Painted Blind
by aadarshinah
Summary: John rather thinks he'd know if he and Rodney were dating. McShep Match 2012 entry.


Painted Blind

A _Stargate: Atlantis _Story

* * *

It's only by accident that they're on Earth when DADT is repealed.

Well, it's only by accident that _John_ is on Earth. Kinda. Sorta. Not really. But his story is that the SGC has been making noise about him actually taking some of his accrued leave and that it just so happened to have come to a head at the same time that Jeannie had ordered Rodney to Vancouver to see his newborn nephew and he's sticking with it.

So the accident isn't so much that they're on Earth at the same time or even that John is able to wrangle an invitation to visit the Miller clan as well so much as the timing itself. Which happens to be the day the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell goes into effect.

* * *

General Carter herself is standing at the bottom of the ramp when they gate to the SGC, which should've been John's first sign that something strange is going on. They've had the new Intergalactic Gate Bridge in place for over two years now, ever since they took Atlantis back to Pegasus; traveling from one galaxy to another isn't really that big of a deal anymore. It's not even that big of a deal for the two of them to be the ones gating to Earth, having each been recalled for one reason or another half-a-dozen times over the last few years.

But still, Sam's standing at the end of the ramp when they gate in and smiling like the cat that caught a whole flock of canaries. "Hey guys," she says. "Long time, no see."

"Good to see you too, General," John says. "How's life on solid ground treating you?"

"Well enough," she says, her grin growing - if possible - wider. "I still miss the _Hammond_, but life on-world definitely has it's perks."

_And by perks, _he thinks, _she means General O'Neill, _before vowing never to think about that again. There are just some things one doesn't need to know about one's commanding officers.

Rodney, however, waves his hands about impatiently, snapping, "Yes, yes," as if this were only to be assumed, before continuing, "Who's in orbit? Or are we going to have to catch a flight up to Vancouver? Because you've no idea how Sheppard gets when we're forced to fly commercial and I've only got a finite capacity for dealing with other people's stupidity, which is strained enough as it is by Jeannie's insistence we go to her."

"She wants you to see your nephew. The one she named after you, _Meredith."_

"First of all, he's three weeks old," Rodney counters, making a face, "he won't remember me being here. And, secondly, if you ever call me that again, I'll make sure you'll have cold showers for the rest of your life."

John smirks at this. "Like you'd do that to yourself." The last time Rodney'd tried that threat, John had made sure Rodney's name got put in the rotation to check up on Keras and the rest of the kids on M7G-677. His shower had been back to normal almost before Rodney had gotten back to Atlantis.

Positively beaming now, "The _Ark Royal_ is in orbit and ready to beam you to the Millers' whenever you're ready."

"Now would be good. The sooner we get there the sooner we can get back to Atlantis."

"Okay, but remember I want pictures," Carter says, hand going to her earwig. "_Ark_? Doctor McKay and Colonel Sheppard are ready to be beamed aboard."

* * *

"John, Mer," Jeannie yawns tiredly, not so much as blinking when he and Rodney beam into the Miller's living room. "It's great to see you. I only just managed to get Mer - baby Mer - down for a nap and will murder you both in your sleep if you do anything to wake him up."

John snorts. "Nice to see your McKay homicidal tendencies are alive and well, even if you look like death warmed over."

"I know right?" she says around another yawn, either closing her eyes or allowing her eyelids to droop so much they're lost in the shadows under her eyes. "I don't know where he gets it from. Madison was such a quiet baby."

"Channeling his uncle already, I guess."

"Speaking of his uncle, where is he?" Blearily, Jeannie raises her head off the couch and casts her eyes about the room. She blinks owlishly a couple of times, head drifting lower and lower until it sinks back onto the overstuffed armrest.

He points to the kitchen, from which Rodney is emerging with three coffee cups and a box of May Wests under his arm.

"No, I can't. I'm breastfeeding and-"

Rodney shoves a coffee cup into her hand. "Drink. I did not come three million light years to sit in your living room and watch you sleep." He passes another cup John's way. It's prepared exactly the way John likes it - which is to say, with as much cream and sugar as it takes to mask the taste of the actual coffee - and one of these days he's going to stop himself from reading more into that than he should. Because that way dragons be. "Where's that deadbeat husband of yours and why isn't he doing anything to help?"

"Mer!" she exclaims, waking enough to slap her brother on the arm. Hard. "He's at work. And, for your information, he's been doing _plenty_ to help, thank you very much, he just couldn't get anymore time off. Madison should be home from school any minute now, so if _you_ want to help out so much, you can make sure she does her homework while I go upstairs and take a nap."

* * *

The thing about Madison is that she's genuinely a _good kid_. John's seen Marine Sergeant Majors less _with it_ than she is. So, naturally, she's already finished all her homework by the time the bus drops her off in front of the Millers' house. She then spends first few minutes after her arrival chattering about how happy she is to see her _Uncle John and Uncle Mer_ and how _spectacularly boring_ it has been having a baby in the house before dragging them into the garage to show off her science project.

Which turns out to be a particle accelerator.

"It's a working model," she explains proudly. "Or would be if I could get may hands on anything I could accelerate."

"You know, I could-"

John cuts Rodney off right there. "No. Just no."

"It wouldn't have to even be anything dangerous, just a couple ounces of that military-grade-"

"Not in your sister's garage."

"We could carry it outside," Madison points out, which causes Rodney to do that snapping thing he does sometimes in agreement.

"No."

"But Uncle John, you want me to win the science fair, don't you?"

"You don't need to be questioned by the CIA to do that."

Madison frowns, then sighs, sounding incredibly put upon for a kid her age. "Yeah. Mom probably wouldn't be too happy if that happened. Can Uncle Mer at least look it over? You know, make sure everything's right and all that? I _really_ want to get first place."

"I dunno, _Uncle Mer_. Can you?"

Rodney gives him a glare that clearly and distinctly promises to end John in any number of painfully thorough ways, none of which could be traced back to him. "Please. This is - quite literally - child's-play."

* * *

John eventually gets bored of watching the science geekery and goes in search of food. A quick glance at the microwave clock shows that its getting close to dinnertime anyway, so he digs out a telephone book and orders a couple of pizzas, as it's been ages since he's been in an Earth-style kitchen and he doesn't quite trust himself not to burn it down.

So he grabs a beer and nurses it in front of the TV for a while, just because he's on Earth and no chance of an emergency cropping up in the next hour, and waits.

* * *

Kaleb gets to the house before the pizzas do and, to his credit, doesn't look the least bit surprised to see John on his couch, drinking his microbrew, with none of his actual family members in sight.

(Then again, John figures the guy has to be a pretty mellow person to have married into the McKay family and lasted this long without suffering some sort of nervous breakdown. Goodness knows the one time John had brought Rodney with him to visit Dave's family, his brother had knocked back the good whiskey like it was water - though that might not have been entirely Rodney's doing.)

"Jeannie and Meredith are asleep. Madison and Rodney are in the garage, doing something that will probably earn you a visit from Homeworld Security." John tells him without preamble. "I ordered pizza."

"Thank God," Kaleb sighs, sinking onto the couch next to him. "I was beginning to wonder if that child would ever sleep."

"He's been out like a light since we've been here. I'm going to get myself another beer. You want one?"

"Yes, please. You watching this, or do you mind if I switch it over to the news?"

"Whatever you want. It's your TV."

It only takes a second to get the beers, but Kaleb's already flipped the channel to the tail end of some local news program by the time he rejoins him on the couch. "So how long are you and Rodney in town for?"

"Just a week. Rodney doesn't trust his minions not to blow the city up if we're gone any longer than that."

For some reason, this makes Kaleb frown. "That seems a bit dull. I'd have thought Rodney would've insisted on you going somewhere warm and exotic for your honeymoon."

It's only because John's spent the last seven years in Pegasus, _exploring strange new worlds_ and all that jazz that he manages not to choke on his beer at this. It is, however, a very close thing.

Setting his bottle on the end table to avoid any further mishaps, he very carefully asks, "Where did you get that idea?"

Kaleb gestures at the TV. "Your military's Don't Ask, Don't Tell rule was repealed today. I assumed because of the timing of your visit that you two were planning on getting married while you were here."

"We're not..." John says faintly, not sure where to start.

"I can understand that," Kaleb continues, nodding sagely. "Just because they've gotten rid of the law doesn't mean it won't make waves for you, a man of your rank marrying another man. Plus, it's not exactly like you need a piece of paper to know you're committed to each other, right?"

True, but... "Kaleb, Rodney and I aren't together."

There's a beat, then-

"You're not?"

"We're not."

There's another beat.

"Are you sure?"

"I think I'd know," John says dryly, "if Rodney and I were dating."

With a disbelieving look, "John, why are you here?"

"Because Jeannie wanted Rodney to see your guys' new baby."

"Yes. That's why Rodney's here. Why are _you_ here?"

_Danger, danger Will Robinson. Reverse engines, military thrust. _"Moral support."

"Bullshit."

"Look, Kaleb," he sighs resignedly, "I know you're only trying to help, but I came to terms with the situation a long time ago. Regardless of whatever my feelings are on the matter, Rodney's straight as an arrow, so it's just never going to happen." John may not like it, but all the _not liking_ in the universe isn't ever going to make Rodney attracted to him. The universe, in his experience, just doesn't work like that.

"Double bullshit."

"Excuse me?"

"I may be out of line with this-"

"You are," John mutters.

"-but I think you're too close to it to see the matter clearly. You've convinced yourself for so long that you can't have him - whatever your reasons - that you can't see that Rodney looks at you like you hung the moon and stars."

"We're just good friends."

"Who just so happen to be in love with each other and, apparently, too much of cowards to admit it. _Not_ what I'd expect from guys who apparently save the universe on a regular basis, I tell you. But that's just my opinion."

The pizza arrives before John can think of a retort for that.

* * *

"What's going on?"

"Huh?"

Rodney gives him an exasperated look and continues changing into his pajamas. "You've been distracted all evening. What's going on?"

"Nothing," John says quickly, shucking his own shirt. The Millers only have the one guest room, but both of them are getting of the age where sleeping on the couch just isn't a valid option anymore. Besides, it's not like they've not shared smaller spaces - or even smaller beds - on missions before.

"No, seriously, is something wrong with Atlantis? Or at the SGC? 'Cause Jeannie'll understand if we need to leave to go save the world or something."

"No, nothing like that."

Frowning as he pulls on a shirt (which says _One Does Not Simply Telnet Into Mordor_ and is slightly too tight in the shoulders, neither of which does much for the embarrassing _fondness _John feels for him at moments like this, when Rodney's being so unintentionally selfless that it's all John can do _not_ to do something about the attraction he's been feeling for his best friend for years), "Then what?"

The _what_ is that John's been thinking about what Kaleb said all evening.

John cannot remember the moment he fell in love with Rodney McKay, the self-proclaimed smartest man in two galaxies and, unofficially, the most arrogant man in the known universe. But he _does_ remember the exact moment he realized he had:

It was their fourth week back on Earth after the Ancients had retaken the city, when the truth of their exile had really started to sink in. Unable to bear the dark, windowless rooms in the SGC any longer and no longer believing that he'd ever get to return to Atlantis, John had gotten an apartment not far from the mountain. It was tiny and lacked an ocean view, but at least it was above ground, which was all that really mattered.

Rodney had just flown in from Area 51, having business at the SGC the next day, and had jumped at the chance to crash at his place rather than the SGC's guest quarters. John had heard him coming up the stairs, muttering loudly about the building's lack of elevator, and opened the door just as Rodney was setting to knock. And in that moment, seeing Rodney standing in his doorway with his bright blue eyes and a slightly bemused expression on his face, John had felt such a rush of _home_ and _affection _- and, yes, _love_ - that he'd known right then that if Rodney ever gave him the slightest hint he felt the same way, he'd risk everything to spend the rest of his life with this man.

But there have been no hints. No clues. Not even the barest suggestion that Rodney has ever looked at another man that way even once in his life.

There are other reasons John has never tried to make anything of his rather pathetic schoolgirl crush, of course, but the whole not-gay thing has always been the main one.

Only Kaleb seems to think Rodney _is_. Or, at least, not entirely straight. And if there's even the smallest chance...

"John?"

He glances over at Rodney, who's grown concerned by his long silence and looks about three seconds away from waving a hand in front of John's face. "Yeah?"

"Seriously, are you alright? 'Cause you kinda zoned out on me there."

"I'm fine. I was just thinking."

"That's never a good sign."

"Very funny."

"Okay, yes, I'll give you that you've _occasionally _had some halfway decent ideas over the years, but, on the whole-"

"Rodney, just shut up for a second," John snaps, annoyed. "I'm trying to think of a way to tell you that I love you here."

Rodney's eyes go comically wide. John feels his own doing much the same once he realizes exactly what he's just said. "Oh."

"Oh?" he repeats.

"Well, it's just... I kinda thought you were straight."

"I'm not."

"But what about the whole Kirk routine?" Rodney accuses, waving a pointed finger.

"There is no routine. I've told you, that's all in your head," John sighs, reaching for his shirt and trying to ignore the heaviness setting in his stomach. "I can spend the night on the couch if this makes things awkward between us."

"What? No. That's not what I want at all."

Exasperated now, "Then what is it you _do _want, Rodney?"

"For you just to give me a second to process the fact that we could've been having what promises to be really wonderful sex for the last few years but were apparently too stupid to realize it!"

"Oh."

"Yes, _oh_."

"Well that's..."

"The most idiotic thing you've ever heard of? I completely agree. We've got to promise each other now that no one else will ever know the truth."

"Kaleb knows."

Rodney's eyes widen again. "What?"

"He asked where we were going on our honeymoon - you know," he explains, his brain finally starting to wrap itself around the idea that _Rodney isn't gay and likes__ him back,_ "since the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell went into effect today."

"That's not actually a bad idea."

"Don't you think you should maybe, I dunno, _kiss me_ before you start proposing"" John asks dryly.

Grinning, "That's not such a bad idea either," Rodney agrees and proceeds to do just that.

* * *

They make an appointment at the courthouse the next morning.

When the justice of the peace asks them how long they've been together, Rodney says, "Seven years," at the same time John says, "Two days."

Jeannie laughs so hard at this they have to delay the ceremony a full ten minutes so she can get her breath back.

* * *

**a/n: **Title comes from Shakespeare's _A Midsummer Night's Dream_: "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind; and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind." My contribution to the McShep Match 2012 for Team Space, prompt being _fools rush in_.


End file.
